You Live in California when...
1. You make over
$250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school
quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part
of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to
eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your
rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks
you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there
rather than how many miles away it is.
You Live in New
York City when...
1. You say "the city"
and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never
been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a
four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park,
but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central
Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that
being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a
car horn.
7. You think eye
contact is an act of aggression.
You Live in
Maine when...
1. You only have four
spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes
fit over parkas.
3. You have more than
one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is
anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons
are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You Live in the
Deep South when...
1. You can rent a
movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular
and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years
you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin'
" is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2
first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
You live in
Colorado when.
1. You carry your
$3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your
husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care
center.
3. A pass does not
involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your
head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You live in the
Midwest when...
1. You've never met
any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a
traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to
switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences
with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how
your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
You live in
Florida when..
1. You eat dinner at
3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases
include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can
recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction
never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of
you are often driven by headless people.