Oil Change Instructions
1) Pull up to Jiffy
Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later,
write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total cost: $21.00.
1) Go to auto parts
store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner
and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used
oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in
hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink
it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30
minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under
kid's pedal car.
6) Open another beer and
drink it.
7) Place drain pan under
engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end
wrench.
9) Give up and use
crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in
pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer
while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter
wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil
filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up;
finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan
full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on
oil spilled during step 13.
20) Beer. No, drank it
all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy
beer.
22) Install new oil
filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of
fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug
from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain
plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the
used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift
for drain plug.
29) Discover that first
quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on
floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 5
minutes.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and
forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh
quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack
stands.
43) Accidentally crush
one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to
apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 13.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over:
arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound
yard.
Parts-$50.00,
DUI-$2500.00,
Impound fee-$75.00,
Bail-$1500.00,
Beer-$25.00,
Total Cost -- $4150.00
But you know the job
was done right!